Momina Moin – Writer
Children in Pakistan, unfortunately, tend to be the most vulnerable group of humans. They make up almost 35% of Pakistan’s population, which means if treated with care and attention, they may turn out to be the most effective tool for the progress of the country. A child comes into this world without any prior knowledge, about anything, and that is more like an opportunity which is given to every parent and society as a whole, but sadly, it is not availed as it should be.
Issues that children face, are multifaceted. First of all, I would suggest everyone to come out of this illusion that children do not understand what is going around them. They do. The can feel the aura they are surrounded with, they can sense the negative energy, negative vibes and negative attitudes. Why parents think that fighting in front of their children is fine, but being romantic is not? Shouting in front of them seems okay, but hugging each other seems so wrong. This is the first and the most widespread fallacy in our society. Children learn a lot from this behaviour, and carry it through their life. They think, acts of love and intimacy between two people, who are also married to each other is something out of the ordinary.
Next in line is the issue, which in my opinion must be addressed, as promptly as possible. The communication gap. Children are not given the space to speak about things that are considered a taboo in our society. They have internalised the fact that there are certain things they are not supposed to talk about, especially with their parents. No doubt the cases of child abuse tend to rise. Children are not taught about what kind of behaviours are they suppose to consider as abusive, and woefully, when they go through any such experience, they hide it from their parents because they do not have the audacity to talk about such matters. What happens then? They keep it to themselves, they keep suffering silently, knowing that something inappropriate is being done to them, but not being able to name it, because they are unsure and unaware of it. This grievously shatters their self confidence, and damages their mental health.
Furthermore, academically, the children carry heavy burdens, of dreams and wishes of their parents. Why do parents think that they can decide for their children’s career? Yes, they can guide them, they can help them choose from all the available options, but they cannot impose career choices upon them. Don’t let the artist in your child die because you want him/her to become a doctor. Every child has a different aptitude towards learning, try to learn accepting this difference. Your child may not be able to score 90 percent in all subjects, but maybe he/she is better at sports. The country needs good sport oriented people, let your child be one of them. Let them become who they want to become, do not tell them that you are paying for their education just because you want them to get a distinguished job, rather inculcate in them the desire to be educated for the sake of education. They will come up with a career anyway.
Do not pamper them to the extent that they always remain dependent on you. Love them, but do not control them. Your children have their own thoughts, own likes, own dislikes, do not try to transmit your thought pattern to them, for they may not accept it. You have to let them grow their wings, let them fly, no matter if they fall, they learn, and when they learn, they fly higher. Do not confine them inside the walls that you have created, in the name of their protection, they need to see beyond them, so let them do that.
Toxic parenting is a major issue that we as a society face. Children grow up with a huge load of traumas that have been transferred to them, unknowingly. This pattern needs to be changed. Children should not be controlled, rather they should be guided, they should not be pampered but loved, they should be directed instead of being driven. I think parents should give their children a healthy environment to grow in, where the children learn to love without shame, express without hesitation, share their feelings without any fear, and choose their path with absolute confidence in themselves. Children have grown enough, it’s time for parents to grow now.
When you started reading this article, you may have thought I was about to address issues like child labor, literacy and education, child sexual abuse, child trafficking, and other issues that you may have considered to be serious. They are important and serious, no second thoughts about that, but the issues I just talked about are more serious, because they are yet to be recognised. Hardest problem to deal with is, something which is not considered a problem at all. And this, I think is the case here.
Parenting is not just feeding your children with the right quality cereal and milk. So, ask yourself before you take the responsibility of bringing up another human being, that are you ready to be a parent?
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